Saturday, March 5, 2011
why hasn't anyone invented this process
I just want to have a hysterectomy and then keep my uterus in a little formaldehyde filled space-like time capsule and then when I am ready to reproduce my husband (or hired baby daddy) can wank off into it and I can watch my baby grow from afar. that could happen right?
BIRTH CONTROL BITCHES
YAY NO CONDOMS RIGHT? WRONG.
Both control day 11 stream of consciousness:
I hate my job/I need a new one/ Why did I chose this anyway/ where are all my friends?/ they aren't really my friends anyway/ i basically dont have any friends/ my boyfriend doesnt even know me/we should just break up who cares anyway/ all I care about is eating all day long/ what am I doing with my stupid stupid life I am just letting it pass me by floundering around like a lunatic.....
Text from a girl at work:
Are you ok? You seem weird.
Text back:
Yes I'm fine thanks.
What I'm actually thinking:
WHAT THE FUCK WHY DO YOU FUCKING CARE GET OFF MY FUCKING CASE SHEEESH
mmm delicious little hormonal loon tablets.
Both control day 11 stream of consciousness:
I hate my job/I need a new one/ Why did I chose this anyway/ where are all my friends?/ they aren't really my friends anyway/ i basically dont have any friends/ my boyfriend doesnt even know me/we should just break up who cares anyway/ all I care about is eating all day long/ what am I doing with my stupid stupid life I am just letting it pass me by floundering around like a lunatic.....
Text from a girl at work:
Are you ok? You seem weird.
Text back:
Yes I'm fine thanks.
What I'm actually thinking:
WHAT THE FUCK WHY DO YOU FUCKING CARE GET OFF MY FUCKING CASE SHEEESH
mmm delicious little hormonal loon tablets.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
ALLERGY
Just tried out this new "blemish reducing" powder I got in the mail. Put it on my face and then tiny sea crabs came out with little torches and started burning my face off. Maybe I am allergic. Or maybe it was the water bottle of wine I just drank.
Always a kitchen slut never a bride
Me: "why do you think I am always the girl at the party the delicious boy presents the condoms to in the bathroom but never the girl that later they confess they actually want to be with and are "taking it slow" with and "might want to marry some day"?
dear friend: "Do you think it is because you are always really drunk and they don't respect you?"
Me: "...................
...................................
..........................................
................................................yes."
dear friend: "Do you think it is because you are always really drunk and they don't respect you?"
Me: "...................
...................................
..........................................
................................................yes."
Sunday, March 21, 2010
The Up and Up of being a Twitster
For Ali and Emily:
Reasons to tweet:
1) You can update your status all you want bc that is the purpose- Sometimes on fb you might want to update your status lots with general feelings/ideas about your day...but too much self activity on facebook can seem losery and give the impression that you have no life. However on twitter...that is the whole point!
2) Also you can say more things on twitter than you would on facebook. Bc you (usually) have less "followers" than "friends" so if you want to say something like:
PEOPLE WHO WEAR VISORS ARE FUCKING RETARDED!!!
you can usually say it without offending a bunch of your "friends" like you would on facebook. Also unlike facebook "following" does not work both ways. Just because someone is following you does not mean you have to follow them...and you can block people who are following you so that they do not receive your tweets...and it will just look like you never tweet. This allows you to be selective without feeling the guilt that comes along with unfriending someone on fb...you know what i'm talking about.
the urban dictionary definition of blog is:
A meandering, blatantly uninteresting online diary that gives the author the illusion that people are interested in their stupid, pathetic life. Consists of such riveting entries as "homework sucks" and "I slept until noon today."
I whole heartedly agree with this and apply the same definition to twitter. That doesn't mean it isn't fun...
3) You can follow important public figures and get other interesting updates besides just what your friends are doing. For instance you can follow publications and sources of news (paste magazine, ajc) in order to keep up with current happenings... which is something I have failed at in the past. You can also follow famous people if that is your bag such as ... members of bands and movie stars and whatnot. You can also follow helpful tweeters that are of specific interest to you and your life for instance I follow a few Nursing information sites.
What to tweet about:
I prefer to tweet random updates about my life and silly pointless realizations -- basically whatever pops into my mind. This is probably more significant in my life than others because I live at home now....and don't have anyone to tell these things to on a regular basis so it makes me feel more in touch with the outside world and I enjoy reading other peoples random updates.
You can also use it the same as fb to share links and articles and whatevs. oh and pics.
Tweet texting:
If you have unlimited texting you can add twitter to your cell phone for free..there is a link somewhere on the site. This way if u r like me and do not always have access to internet you can tweet via text and you can also receive tweets via text... you can add someone to your text list by hovering over their name and clicking the cell phone button. It is funny because sometimes if you are following people you don't actually know it feels like they are texting you but in reality they are not... it's a stalkers paradise.
HA I cannot believe I have said this much about twitter. Even tho I also feel like there is a lot more to say.
Whatever life outside of college is lonely so DO IT!
Reasons to tweet:
1) You can update your status all you want bc that is the purpose- Sometimes on fb you might want to update your status lots with general feelings/ideas about your day...but too much self activity on facebook can seem losery and give the impression that you have no life. However on twitter...that is the whole point!
2) Also you can say more things on twitter than you would on facebook. Bc you (usually) have less "followers" than "friends" so if you want to say something like:
PEOPLE WHO WEAR VISORS ARE FUCKING RETARDED!!!
you can usually say it without offending a bunch of your "friends" like you would on facebook. Also unlike facebook "following" does not work both ways. Just because someone is following you does not mean you have to follow them...and you can block people who are following you so that they do not receive your tweets...and it will just look like you never tweet. This allows you to be selective without feeling the guilt that comes along with unfriending someone on fb...you know what i'm talking about.
the urban dictionary definition of blog is:
A meandering, blatantly uninteresting online diary that gives the author the illusion that people are interested in their stupid, pathetic life. Consists of such riveting entries as "homework sucks" and "I slept until noon today."
I whole heartedly agree with this and apply the same definition to twitter. That doesn't mean it isn't fun...
3) You can follow important public figures and get other interesting updates besides just what your friends are doing. For instance you can follow publications and sources of news (paste magazine, ajc) in order to keep up with current happenings... which is something I have failed at in the past. You can also follow famous people if that is your bag such as ... members of bands and movie stars and whatnot. You can also follow helpful tweeters that are of specific interest to you and your life for instance I follow a few Nursing information sites.
What to tweet about:
I prefer to tweet random updates about my life and silly pointless realizations -- basically whatever pops into my mind. This is probably more significant in my life than others because I live at home now....and don't have anyone to tell these things to on a regular basis so it makes me feel more in touch with the outside world and I enjoy reading other peoples random updates.
You can also use it the same as fb to share links and articles and whatevs. oh and pics.
Tweet texting:
If you have unlimited texting you can add twitter to your cell phone for free..there is a link somewhere on the site. This way if u r like me and do not always have access to internet you can tweet via text and you can also receive tweets via text... you can add someone to your text list by hovering over their name and clicking the cell phone button. It is funny because sometimes if you are following people you don't actually know it feels like they are texting you but in reality they are not... it's a stalkers paradise.
HA I cannot believe I have said this much about twitter. Even tho I also feel like there is a lot more to say.
Whatever life outside of college is lonely so DO IT!
Monday, March 8, 2010
"For Funzies"
If you are going to do somethign "for funzies" you should not feel bad and or regret said incident later. If in fact you do feel any negative feelings about said event then you have actually failed at "funzies".
The BEAUTY of funzies is this: you are going to do this fun thing and you do not give a flying french toast about what happens later/ any and all repercussions.
Things to consider before committing to "funzies":
1) Is this going to physically and/or emotionally hurt me?
2) Is this going to physically and/ or emotionally hurt someone else?
3) Is it gong to bother me if people know about this fun event that I am about to participate in?
4) Might other people involved in the fun event be thinking of it differently- as in not Just fo funzies"?
If you answered yes to any of these questions then you have two options:
A) Do not commence in the fun.
B) Fully embrace the TRUE meaning of FUNZIES and selfishly declare yourself incapable of caring about these things now and forever more in the case of this instance of fun- and freely without hesitation commit unobligated, untethered fun. And never look back.
Note: Acts committed in the name of "for funzies" should be limited . "For funzies" is not an excuse for bad behavior/ drunken debauchery, it is a personal decision.
The BEAUTY of funzies is this: you are going to do this fun thing and you do not give a flying french toast about what happens later/ any and all repercussions.
Things to consider before committing to "funzies":
1) Is this going to physically and/or emotionally hurt me?
2) Is this going to physically and/ or emotionally hurt someone else?
3) Is it gong to bother me if people know about this fun event that I am about to participate in?
4) Might other people involved in the fun event be thinking of it differently- as in not Just fo funzies"?
If you answered yes to any of these questions then you have two options:
A) Do not commence in the fun.
B) Fully embrace the TRUE meaning of FUNZIES and selfishly declare yourself incapable of caring about these things now and forever more in the case of this instance of fun- and freely without hesitation commit unobligated, untethered fun. And never look back.
Note: Acts committed in the name of "for funzies" should be limited . "For funzies" is not an excuse for bad behavior/ drunken debauchery, it is a personal decision.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
grammar
also i do not give a fuck about grammar. this is my blog and i don't feel the need to waste my time with things like capitalization.
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